


Where I'm At Today

by sophinisba



Category: Lost
Genre: 1000-5000 Words, Character of Color, Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-21
Updated: 2007-04-21
Packaged: 2017-10-05 22:52:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophinisba/pseuds/sophinisba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose mourns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where I'm At Today

**Author's Note:**

> Set during season 3.

It's been a good week – or a better one at least – with Jake, Kate, and Sayid back. We had a scare with Claire, but she seems to be all right now.

All this time trying to go on without our doctor, and now we've got two of them. Maybe things will go a little better for us for a while.

I'm sorry I haven't had as much time to come talk to you lately. I like to let you know what's happening, but there are so many others to take care of now.

Not to mention taking care of my husband and the other ones who are still living.

You'd think staying alive would be easier now that we have all the food we need. Ever since Locke got your hatch open. We don't have to spend as much time fishing or searching for fruit in the jungle.

The others don't come here much, I think you've probably realized. Hurley comes and tells Libby what's been going on, so I feel like she's taken care of, at least. And Sayid comes to visit your sister, but he just sits here when he does, so I still try to talk to her too.

You know, when I first started coming out here, I think the others assumed it was my way of grieving for Bernard. That I still didn't want to admit he was dead, but I had to visit somebody's grave so I came to yours. But it wasn't a week after that Bernard came back to me, and we buried your sister the very next day. And I think it confused them that I kept coming.

Well, you know, I never had much to say to Mr. Lehne or to Scott, but you were part of our group, and I knew how much you cared for Shannon, and for Mr. Locke and the other people you left behind, so I wanted to sure you knew what was happening to them. Then we lost Shannon and I decided to keep her company too, because she cared about the rest of us, and even started to show it before the end.

Oh, Boone, and after that we buried Libby and Ana Lucía and then Mr. Eko, and it was so hard. You never met them, but they were good people. Ana Lucía was stubborn, and Mr. Eko made some mistakes sometimes, like we all do, but they were strong and good, and I don't believe Bernard would have made it back to me if he hadn't had help from all three of them.

Last week it was Nikki and Paulo, and there was just no reason for it to happen. I didn't know them too well – they kept to themselves, mostly, like Bernard and I do – but they always did their part for the group, and she was always polite to me. They were both so young and beautiful, it almost frightened to see them go under the ground like that, even after all the other friends we've lost. It seemed like it couldn't be true.

I think most of the others stay away from your graves because they're afraid. No one knows who we'll put in the ground next. Desmond thinks it'll be Charlie. Charlie's afraid it'll be Claire. And Claire's so afraid for little Aaron. Me, ever since I saw what happened to Claire and heard what the new doctor said, I can't stop worrying about Sun. I'm not sure if Jin really understands – probably no one has the heart to tell him.

And all the others are scared for themselves.

I think Mr. Locke – wherever he is now – I think he and I are the only ones who know we won't be hurt as long as we stay here. Maybe I would have died in the crash if I hadn't had your help, but I'm healthy now and so is he. And that seems to be enough for him, but it's not enough for me, not anymore.

After Bernard came, I told you how crazy he was, coming up with all sorts of schemes to get us off this island. And I was the one who told him to stop. Now I love my husband and I think he's a very smart and capable man, but I'm not so proud as to think he would have been the one to save us all, when nobody else has managed it in all this time. But I still regret telling him to stop trying.

We'd already buried you and your sister then, Boone, and we'd burned an airplane full of people, and watched Mr. Arzt go into the jungle and not come out. Did I know then that this island would keep swallowing up people the way it has? I didn't know, but the people we'd lost already should have been enough.

I believe where you are now you're able to forgive. You can forgive Mr. Locke for taking you on that plane, and I hope you can forgive Ana Lucía for what she did. She didn't know what was happening, and Locke didn't think you'd be hurt.

But he should know better by now. Do you know what he did, over on the other side of the island? He destroyed the submarine, our only way back. That's not the same as me telling Bernard to stop killing himself to make a giant S.O.S. on the beach, Boone. That's deliberately, selfishly hurting everyone but him and me. And if Charlie or Claire or Sun or their babies go into the ground tomorrow, he'll have that on his head. I'd like to be able to forgive him, I'd like to let go of my anger, but that's not where I'm at today.

I pray for all the people on this island, the ones who are living and the ones who've gone on. The ones who've been on our side these last months, the ones who were with Bernard, and the ones who were here, on the other side, before we came. I haven't told Bernard that I've also started praying for us to get off this island. I hate to leave you behind, Boone, and I hate to think what will happen to me if I leave, and what that will do to Bernard, but I don't see how we can go on like this either.

Unless it's just like this, surviving day to day, and praying for everything to stay the same.


End file.
